In Search of a Conscience

“My favorite bible story is the one about Elisha”, I smirked. “Elisha was God’s prophet and wandered in the wilderness preaching the Holy Word. He was a mean old cuss and bald headed. As he neared a town some of the children began following him and taunting him. ‘Baldy! Baldy’ they cried in mockery.

In his righteous anger and indignation he cursed them in the name of the Lord and a she bear came out of the woods and tore over forty of the scamps apart. It’s not nice to make fun of bald headed people.”

I was twelve years old and bored. Confirmation Class was a drag. None of the other kids seemed to know any bible stories at all and I had grown up with so many of them they didn’t mean much to me. I continued munching on some licorice. I had stolen the money from the offering box to buy the candy and was eating it in class. Obviously my conscience hadn’t kicked in yet. Nothing was bothering me.

If I was being kind of two faced, I felt the minister was as well. We weren’t getting the entire stories. He didn’t mention the first thing Noah’s daughters did after the flood was to get the old man drunk and have sex with him so they could replenish the human race.

In Sodom and Gomorah Lot offered his daughter to the mob if they would leave his paying visitors alone.

Did Jesus really claim that he was the reincarnation of Elijah? Did he really say, “Ye are all sons and daughters of God”?

I might not have had my conscience at age twelve but by age fourteen it caught up to me in spades. I had become so rotten that I could not stand myself or who I had become. What does it matter if God forgives when you can’t forgive yourself?

I lay in the dark crying and praying to God that I would never lie or steal again in my life. I vowed that I would live in a way that did not go against my conscience. To this day I have remained true to that vow. I may have followed many twisted paths but I’ve always believed in the still small voice of my conscience as the final judge. I’ve always remembered that I have to be able to live with myself or it means nothing.

For the following twenty years my nightly prayer would be,” Dear God, please guide me and strengthen me. Help me to understand the truth. If I am going in the wrong direction please forgive me and let me know so I can make things right.”

The Last Rosicrucian

This area is going to be the rough draft area for my newest book, Astral Sex, Lucid Dreaming, Soulmates & ESP.

That book will not be published online but you can get a good idea about it by keeping up with these posts.

It will be an autobiographical account of some very strange and interesting experiences that I have had over the years.

I will be trying to post at least one new item each week as the book progresses.

Sometimes the World is Strange

I never thought I would be replacing the Federalist Papers with this blog. I also never thought this blog would be public. Now it seems that this blog is going to be about me and my story if anyone is interested. In some ways my story is like anyone else’s and in other ways quite unique.

In light of recent events I might start out with a recurring dream I had as a child. I had the same dream six of seven times over a period of four or five years. It was like a nightmare in a way but not quite. I was an adult driving or directing some large train like machine that resembled a subway train or even a semi-truck cab. All I remember is a seat I was sitting in and a windshield I was looking out of. What ever the machine was, it was long and it was pushing into the earth or more accurately it was coming in from outer space and pushing against a mountain.

There was an intense humming noise and a sense of intolerable pressure like one immovable object pushing against another immovable object. The machine I was in was pushing with immense force against the mountain and the mountain would not budge. I seemed to be locked in the middle of this struggle of wills. I would wake up frightened at the intensity and power of the dream.

I also remember the last time the dream occurred because the front of the machine was being damaged from the force with which it was pushing into the mountain. It was taking damage but incredibly the mountain slowly began to give way at last. That was the last time I had the dream.

I mention this dream because of another dream I had last night or this morning at the autumn equinox. In this dream I was on the top of a mountain of objects of some type. I was driving a farm tractor from my childhood and pulling an old 47 Chevy pickup that was also from my childhood.

This dream was very frightening because I knew I needed to drive the tractor down the steep side of the mountain and get to the bottom. I also was worried about the truck I was pulling. I didn’t want it to tip over.

This was a very vivid dream. I remember using my foot to lock the brake on the tractor to make it go as slow as possible and then went over the edge. The terrain was very rough and I was worried about the two front wheels of the tractor snapping off but they never did. I almost got hung up a few places but turning the wheel kept things going until I was safely at the bottom.

At the bottom I was not only safe but the truck had made it safely as well. I was so happy and relieved that I was crying tears of joy.

The way I interpret dreams makes me believe this dream was very significant. It was obviously a low level etheric dream that included unusual emotions like fear, joy, relief and even tears. It was also an empowering dream because I not only had one vehicle, I had two and one was a tractor.

Astral conflict involves rising on the planes and resolving issues at the highest level. This dream was about me overcoming a mountain of things and arriving safely at the bottom on solid ground.

The dream images of the tractor and 47 Chevy come out of my past and tell me that these issues had their origins in my childhood and have finally been resolved.

That is the link back to the recurring dream of my childhood. All my life I have struggled against a world that did not seem to want me or have a place for me. No matter how hard I tried it seemed like every stone was set against me.

I have always had allies that helped me along the way in times of need but I have never been able to flourish or prosper. My recent life circumstances are the best I have ever had and they are extremely modest.

To make a long story short, I came here to help bring the energy of the new age to the earth and it has resisted all the way. The new age is finally here and my work is done. My recent dream indicates my work is done and perhaps I can find some well earned rest and acceptance.

Like thousands of other light workers around the world our collective task has been to work against incredible resistance and help usher the earth into the new age. The question now becomes what to do when there is no more need to struggle and fight?

Welcome to the Inner Circle

A warm welcome to the Inner Circle of the Order of Anarchistic Knights. This forum is devoted entirely to discussion and fellowship. It’s a good place to ask questions and just bullshit.

It’s not formal and meant to be relaxing and peaceful. The Inner Circle is a doorway and an opportunity. No one knows where it may lead or what might happen here. Because of this interactive quality I do not feel I need to post material here except in response to others or in participation of discussions.

What I’m really saying is that as of 4/15/07 there are no members here to talk with. This is being created in the hopes there will be members at some point in the future. OAK is being restructured into a magickal order with an outer and inner core of information. This is an important weeding out process that is intended to draw only serious people into the Inner Circle. These are people interested in physical membership in the Order of Anarchistic Knights. These are people that belong to my own soul group. We are closer than friends so relax and enjoy this safe haven with others of like mind and spirit.

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