Moving into the Light was incredible. It was love. It was warm and it was feminine! I loved being there and wanted it more than anything else in the world. Somehow there was a polarity shift in my soul and instead of uniting with God I wanted to unite with Goddess!
At first I could only stay in the light for short periods at a time but later I was able to stay longer and longer until the day came when I permanently moved across into the light. It was a glorious day and I still remember the joy and wonder and bliss. I was certain big things were happening, and they were but not like I expected.
Shortly after permanently moving across the abyss I noticed that there was resistance when I would try moving further into the light. It became like poking your finger into a balloon. As soon as you quit pushing it pushed you back out. At the same time I kept getting insights into my OAK paradigm.
All that Cosmic stuff was pouring down into the mental planes. Like Icharus that flew too close to the sun my wax wings had melted and I was falling!
I became interested in magick rather than mysticism and was introduced to Aleister Crowley for the first time. I had a dream:
“Take this book”, he said. I took the book and opened it.
“This is the Law.” He began to cackle, “If you let go you will die!”
Fear pounded through me and I tried to let go of the book but I couldn’t.
“No!” I cried out in anger and determination and I slammed the book closed. Instantly my astral body was on fire being destroyed from the ground up. There was no place else to go except across the abyss where I took shelter in my body of light. There was nothing left. All that I had was my body of light. The others were destroyed and needed to be rebuilt. I had my light as a source of power and that was it.
I didn’t know what was going on but I figured Crowley did and began reading everything I could find about him. Somehow my “star” needed to be harmonized with his energy. I studied the Golden Dawn and tried contacting the OTO.
I never realized until years later how much grief I had gotten into by creating a non-kabalistic paradigm. People don’t realize why serious occultists believe in Aleister Crowley. It’s not out of choice, it’s out of respect. Serious things happen when you cross him. Now some twenty five years later I’m happy to say that serious things happen when you cross me! Chuckle.
